ADENDUM

About the ending of last night… [see previous post: Trophy Spouse]

Actually what I called the wife for waking me up was “Belk.” Or – more accurately – “You’re a Bad Elk. Belk.”

This, I believe, requires a bit of glossing.

A few days back, as the wife and I were going to bed, as said to her “Put your trousers away; we are not Elk.” You see, the wife has a fondness for leaving her pants on the bedroom floor at bedtime – though she is pretty reliable about putting them away come morning. This explains the first part of what I said that evening, but why Elk.

No… I have no empirical evidence regarding the pants-leaving-about proclivities of any of the various sub-species of Elk. To be entirely honest I believe I was wildly defaming and impugning the integrity of Elk across the world, but, for some reason, it made sense. In fact, what is probably still your question; “Why Elk?” was precisely the question that the wife had.

“Elk?”

My only answer that evening was that Elk do leave their pants about. That is what they are perhaps best known for among their peer-group.

This leads us to one of the many reasons why I love the wife so. She took this as reasonable – partly because it came in the correct Mary Poppins “We are not Codfish” form. Thus it became a given within the apartment that Elk do – in fact – leave their pants about, which was then not something that We do.

Hence, calling the wife a Belk was to say that she was double bad. But this brings up a further question. What then makes a Belk a Belk?

Well… A Belk would be an Elk that left its pants about in a malicious manner; perhaps intending said pants to be an unreasonable impediment or perhaps part of a trap, maybe simply to bring about unwarranted annoyance. A Gelk – being a Good Elk – then would be an Elk who had every intention of putting away his/her pants at bedtime, and perhaps even did so on a moderately reliable basis, but still forgot occasionally and never meant to be a nuisance by forgetting.

All that said I want to state for the record that the wife is in no way a Belk. If the wife is any form of Elk at all, she is certainly of the Gelk variety. As a matter of fact I would consider the wife to be among the B.O.E. – that would be Best Of Elks.