THE WRITING ON THE WALL
[OR RATHER, ON THE SIGN ABOVE THE WALL]
This has, at times, been a common theme here at 4IOE, but perhaps for good reason: the world scares me, and not just for the big reasons, the ones you might expect. You know, the president, West Virginia, Lori Drew, etc., etc... But today it is for a much simpler reason [you see, I am easing my way back into writerly activity, thus I shall start off gently]. This afternoon, as I was deleting past images from the ol' camera, I ran across this classic, one I had forgotten I had even taken:
I know I should be accustomed to this by now, the endless capacity of the human brain to produce monstrous ideas, to reach into the wonder that is language and pervert it so horribly, to again and again produce such affronts to my intelligence, but I am not.
Now, you may say that I am too easily frightened, too quick to be outraged, and you may be right, but I think not. Standards must be upheld, quality assured, civilization preserved. You, dear reader, may think that I am overreacting, that surely something as innocuous as the Prints Charles Photo Studio cannot cause us, those who abide by basic standards of decency, any harm, but you would be wrong. It is a slippery slope, dear reader, one that starts with a simple pun, but that ends, inevitably, with the appreciation of the poetry – and I use that term loosely – of Charles Osgood.
Think of it, and I mean think carefully. Imagine your son or your daughter sitting beneath a dogwood tree on a beautiful spring afternoon wrapped up in the linguistic horrors of Mr. Osgood. Imagine the shame, the horror, the familial disgrace. I am not outraged on my own behalf; I can withstand the terrors of the world. I am concerned for the young children of the world who are not yet safely insulated from such attacks. I am thinking of the wee Aquababy for, after all, isn't it about the children?
Thus I beseech you, dear reader, to boycott these abuses, to turn away from such reckless signage, to reject and denounce the perpetrators of such production, and, of course, to send along any examples you might find; I am always on the lookout for more signage.
I know I should be accustomed to this by now, the endless capacity of the human brain to produce monstrous ideas, to reach into the wonder that is language and pervert it so horribly, to again and again produce such affronts to my intelligence, but I am not.
Now, you may say that I am too easily frightened, too quick to be outraged, and you may be right, but I think not. Standards must be upheld, quality assured, civilization preserved. You, dear reader, may think that I am overreacting, that surely something as innocuous as the Prints Charles Photo Studio cannot cause us, those who abide by basic standards of decency, any harm, but you would be wrong. It is a slippery slope, dear reader, one that starts with a simple pun, but that ends, inevitably, with the appreciation of the poetry – and I use that term loosely – of Charles Osgood.
Think of it, and I mean think carefully. Imagine your son or your daughter sitting beneath a dogwood tree on a beautiful spring afternoon wrapped up in the linguistic horrors of Mr. Osgood. Imagine the shame, the horror, the familial disgrace. I am not outraged on my own behalf; I can withstand the terrors of the world. I am concerned for the young children of the world who are not yet safely insulated from such attacks. I am thinking of the wee Aquababy for, after all, isn't it about the children?
Thus I beseech you, dear reader, to boycott these abuses, to turn away from such reckless signage, to reject and denounce the perpetrators of such production, and, of course, to send along any examples you might find; I am always on the lookout for more signage.
2 Comments:
Will somebody PLEASE think of the children?!
Thank you. I was hoping you would provide that line.
Tee hee...
Three cheers for Poking-Stick Man!!!
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